I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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