Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
