She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
