fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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