On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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