How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
