my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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