I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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