Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
