Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
