so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
