What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
