As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
