I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You took a bar mat shot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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