i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
