..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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