I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Watching her eat just hurts me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
