it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
