I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
