Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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