This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
