How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize