brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize