I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
