The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
