trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found the puke drawer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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