So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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