Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
