I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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