zippers are such a cool invention
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
