hell yes lets make some ravioli
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize