Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
