This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
