I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
