I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
