I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
