We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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