I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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