so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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