so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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