Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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