ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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