just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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