is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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