So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
