Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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