just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
