Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
