I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
