i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
