he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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