The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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