I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
as a side note pls kill me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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