they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
MIDGETS
????
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
