I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
