now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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