Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
