plz talk dirty to me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
