If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
